Quick Update

I've just posted some relevant entries from my personal blog, so some of it will be a bit off-topic. I'm more than halfway through now, really enjoying Org Behavior, and starting to plot my book, thesis, and post-graduation career. Not in any particular order. I feel like my brain is starting to kick into high gear, and it's pretty fun.

bonus blogging

3.20.2007

bonus blogging

I've been re-watching Joseph Campbell's The Power of Myth via Netflix. It's like church for me. If church was like this, I'd go every week. Campbell's ability to see the forms that project the shadows on the wall, his talent for finding the same metaphor in every culture and every era is amazing. And what has been interesting about watching this the second time around is how many of his themes and metaphors fit naturally into the issues that concern me the most in organizations and modern corporate life.

This set of interviews was done in the late 80s, and talks a lot about how Campbell was a big influence on George Lucas and the Star Wars (original) trilogy. He discusses how in western culture, dragons are metaphor for intellect without body connection - a state which results in unchecked greed and insatiable hunger. He also thinks that Darth Vader, a man who has almost completely disconnected from his body and the natural world in order to maintain power, is a metaphor for oppressive systems that dehumanize us.

While I think Campbell saw this as metaphor for oppressive governments, I think the corporation has become one such system. Though it's made up of people who are probably largely ethical and decent, we all get paid to work for the profit of others, and the concerns of those "others" must transcend our own connection to what is natural and right for ourselves and those we love. I've struggled a great deal in the past year with the fact that what might be the ethical or loving thing to do in a personal relationship is often considered unprofessional in work relationships. Campbell's framing of the dragon or system as that which removes us from our bodies, and so removes us from our eros; our vital, living presence in our own existance, seems incredibly apropos of what the corporate system is doing to our humanity as a society. Why else does company after company, even the ones touted as the most ethical, get caught in governance and ethics scandals?

How can an organization that is structured to subjugate the needs and concerns of those who run it be anything other than dehumanizing, if that which makes us human is that which allows us to have compassion for ourselves and others?

Things I Have Learned: Unsolicited Leadership Advice for Everybody

3.08.2007

Things I Have Learned: Unsolicited Leadership Advice for Everybody

Thing #1: Get to know yourself really, really well

I am the kind of person who takes EVERYTHING personally. You could sneeze, and I would think that somehow my presence had caused dust eddies to be stirred up that would not have otherwise been there, which may lead you to have a sinus infection which will eventually cause you to die horribly of hemorrhaging. I can blame myself for totally unrelated, incongruous events. But as an occasional teacher, and as a brand-spanking new manager, I know that the behavior of the people I have some small amount of power over is NOT an indication of my qualifications or basic intelligence. It can, however, be a reflection of my level of competence with and/or comfort level in whatever area I am providing leadership. If one of my students or employees is giving me a hard time, then it might be an issue they're having, but if several of them are unhappy or unproductive guess what? I am bound to be at least partially responsible.

This leader thing is relatively new for me. I have been in the follower position far more in my life thus far. And when I have felt victimized, belittled, abused, intimidated, or even just challenged by a boss or teacher, I have spent a goodly amount of energy trying to tease apart the dynamic and understand what part of my (generally disproportionate) negative reaction is my own crap, and how much of that crap belongs to someone else. It's rarely an all or nothing proposition, folks. So while I continue to be on the neurotic and hypersensitive side, I also have a pretty clear picture of a number of my strengths and weaknesses. Now when I have to deal with an authority figure who doesn't seem to have their shit together, I can keep it in slightly better perspective.

But here's the thing I know from having been in the down position for most of my life (and seems really obvious to me as a newbie leader):

Thing #2:
If you are in a position of relative power over someone else DO NOT take their perceived failures or inadequacies personally.

This is very important. If you take your students' or employees' or children's weaknesses personally this means that you feel (usually unconsciously) that their poor performance is a reflection on you and will make you look bad to your superiors or peers, then you will probably blame your employees or students or children for your own sense of inadequacy. You will then be likely to behave in a way that is less than objective when giving feedback or criticism. In short, your negative emotions will inhibit your ability to do your job, which is to support, help and teach the people you're serving as a leader or teacher or parent.

Let's have an example, shall we?
My last voice teacher was amazingly talented. His singers had substantial careers and my technique improved significantly during the two years I studied with him. But he wasn't objective. When I had a big performance or audition coming up, he would start to freak out. I could almost see the thought bubbles over his head, "What if she gives a bad audition, and the judges know she studies with me, and everyone thinks I'm losing my edge and taking on poor students?" So he would go from a demanding but nurturing and supportive teacher, to an abusive, autocratic bastard. He would make disparaging comments, force me to repeat passages over and over again (screaming out a high C ten times in a row generally does not make it get any better, trust me). My favorite comment ever came during one especially grueling sessions. He said, "It's really a testament to my teaching that I can work with a problem voice like yours."

Yeah, he really said that.

I had to explain to him gently (yelling is gentle, right?) that that type of comment made me feel hopelessly inadequate, and did not motivate me to do anything except perhaps throw my metal music stand at his head and leave. And it did not make me sing better. He told me he'd meant it as a compliment.

It's basic, folks. You discourage and degrade people, they give up or they have less energy and less hope. None of those things make people productive, competent, or successful. Don't do it. You can tell me about tough love, about pushing people to excel, but tough love is not abuse. Humiliating or denigrating people does not make them better performers or humans, it just makes you an abusive bastard.

Thing #3
Forgive yourself for being an abusive bastard, and move on.

If you have power, you will inevitably abuse it at some point. It will probably be unintentional, and it will hopefully be minor. So if you realize that you've been attacking an employee or student because you're secretly afraid that they're going to make you look bad, or your son's habit of shuffling around with his shoes untied makes you feel like a bad parent and you're a little too hard on the kid, recognize your own flaws, make amends, breathe deeply, and move the hell on.

I see light

3.02.2007

I see light

As of today, I'm feeling much less submerged. I got through my horrendous annual report analysis project with a respectable grade, no less. I would have just settled for "done". Starting to find my groove at work, learning how to communicate and respond in a very, very different environment than I'm used to. Michelann does not like it when she cannot control her environment, other's perceptions of her, and her own sense of inadequacy. All those things that you just really can't control. Of course, the best way to deal with it would be to GET OVER IT, as my boyfriend has lovingly suggested on several occasions, but I prefer to stress out, cry, feel bad, mope, talk about it far to much, and then get over it. And then find something else to stress out about. Lather, rinse, repeat.

Remember the pictures I posted of the house a few weeks ago? Of course you do. Well, now we're featured on our designer's website:

http://www.roomfu.com/gallery83.html

Great pictures, no? It's a very nice room to hang out in. Next on the agenda is the bedroom. It's going to be hot pink with purple stripes. Just kidding, David. Oh, wait, David never reads my blog. It really is going to be hot pink, shhh, don't tell him!

One of the unintended outcomes of my finance class, is my sudden realization of my total financial incompetence. From understanding basic terms, to having the first clue about investment and retirement savings, I have been operating at about a 5th grade level. Except I thought I was a fairly financially savvy adult. I was wrong, so wrong.

I have to spend the weekend writing a research paper for my class, which seems like a happy vacation after the last project. Actual prose! No ratios! Comprehension of what I'm writing! After class, we're all going drinking. Amen.

from lyrico.com/me 2/2006

2.21.2007

I'm a Busy Bee

My life has changed pretty dramatically in the last month or so. My new job is good, but challenging and very, very different. I go to meetings, and we talk about things. Actual things. No posturing, no circular conversations about something completely different than what is being discussed. Actual problem-solving. This is a good thing, but it also calls into sharp relief how comfortable I was with my rapidly atrophying brain in my last work situation.

Add to that the first class at school that has thoroughly kicked my ass. Not that the other classes weren't challenging, they were. But I've recently been reminded of the difference between a challenge and a struggle. This is no fault of my own or anyone else, the class is good, the material is good, the teacher is good. When it comes to most academic learning, I tend to work hard, but hit kind of a groove where I know I'm working with most of my mental capacity. When it comes to finance, it's an incredibly uphill battle.

This is great stuff to know, but I feel completely illiterate, and as if I have no talent for understanding it at all. Which I probably don't. Doesn't mean I can't learn some of it, but this is definitely not a "follow your bliss" type of topic for me. It's more like a "trudge unwillingly after your degree requirements" type of topic. I feel like I've worked harder and actually learned less than in any class so far. In reality, I have probably learned a great deal, but it's kind of like someone telling me I don't know how to read English at age 35. A wee bit disheartening. In 3-6 months I will have a much better idea of what I learned and will feel the beginnings of comfort with the topic, but seven weeks is never enough, even when I have an affinity for the subject.

Winter in Austin (all two months of it) seemed really cold, mostly because I'm a wimp. But it's in the low 80s this week, so it should be full-on spring by March 1.

In other news, two of my long-time girlfriends gave birth to baby girls halfway across the world from each other at approximately the same time. I get to meet one of them in a few weeks.

I hope all my millions of readers are having a prosperous and happy year so far. I'll write more when I find where I stashed my clever.

Synergize your Potentialities

Originally posted at lyrico.com/me 12/2006

What's more fun than reading Stephen Covey all weekend, I ask you? Why, it's reading Stephen Covey and watching his little brainwashing videos that goes with his brainwashing book. Movies about golden retrievers and six-year-olds playing soccer. I swear, I saw "SUBMIT" flash across my screen at least once.

I have inherited a deep, deep distrust of jargon. And Covey is just chock-full of fun jargon, far-fetched metaphor, and highly unsubstantiated wisdom-nuggets. And charts. Lots and lots of charts.

It's not that I don't like anecdotal books - one of the first books I read for this program was largely anecdotal, but the author did not claim to hold the keys to the universe. He was very up front about the fact that his book was based almost entirely on his experience and observation. This made it much easier for me to put my characteristic dubiousness aside and really hear what the guy had to say.

Covey makes no such distinction. If he believes it, and he can draw a parallel between his belief and a scientific truth, then the reader is supposed to consider it just as irrefutable. His books are very prescriptive: if you perform task A, B will be the result. If B is not the result, than you didn't perform task A correctly. This bugs the crap out of me. Organizational behavior, interpersonal relationships, and self-examination are not fucking stereo instructions. They are messy, difficult, and sometimes impossible tasks that we choose (or not) to slog through during our lives, without knowing if there will be a big earthly or cosmic carrot at the end of the stick. There are no guarantees that if you follow dogma created by someone who is not you, that you will get the same results.

He also casts himself as the hero, the loving guru teaching his flock how they have erred, in almost all his real-world examples. I would find him much more credible if he actually demonstrated the humility he prescribes to his followers.

So I've spent the majority of the weekend reading The 8th Habit, and consequently feeling really annoyed. This is not an uncommon occurrence for me during study weekends, so don't be alarmed. But annoyed is also not a fun way to spend your weekend. I'm going to be REALLY glad when I'm done with this book.